I Understand
by Redhead2
Summary: Richard asked her if she loved him. She answered but was she truthful? What about him? Does he love her?


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or story lines from the movie, Superman Returns.

Note: I thought this scene should have happened, though I know I always look for one more scene. It's a one shot.

I Understand

"You've answered my question, you know?" Richard sat on the porch of 312 Riverside Drive. He and Lois had been staring out at the water for half an hour. Jason was asleep upstairs.

"What question?" The night air was warm but still Lois felt chilled. She knew what question. The thing that chilled her more was she also knew the answer.

Richard looked into her eyes. "You love Superman. I know that you do." He saw her inhale deeply and begin to form the refusal on her lips. "It's ok," he spoke quickly to keep her from lying to him and herself. "I understand."

In her mind was the last image of him she had. He floated out over the lake just a few hours earlier. He'd been to see Jason. He'd come to see their son…not her. It hurt; even more so when she'd tried to say what she felt but he seemed so distant at that moment. The coolness brought back all the rejection of 5 years ago. "Richard, I…" Lois tried to speak fast and think faster but she was stuck. Just like trying to write the article she entitled, 'Why the World Needs Superman,' she was stuck. All she could do was look at him with her mouth opened… hopelessly waiting for something coherent to come out.

It broke his heart to see the pain behind her eyes. He really did love her with everything in him. They'd been together for just about 5 years. The best 5 years of his life. He'd been there for her when she found out she was pregnant. He stayed with her as much as she would let him throughout the pregnancy, trying to satisfy every craving that would hit her and soothe every pain. He cried with her at the birth of their son. To him they were married in every respect…except that little piece of paper that made her a White. She was tough and independent. He respected that. She was also loving and caring and craved those feelings for herself and now…her son. He gave her those. With her, he had a family and he loved it, fiercely.

Now, something from her past had come to stand between them. He would fight it if he could. He would protect his family. Nothing in this world would take her from his side. He would fight any man on the planet for her. But this something…this man…isn't any man. This man is Superman.

"I knew when I asked you before. When you couldn't answer me at first, I knew. Then you said 'no'. I knew then, too." He saw her eyes begin to shine. Gently he reached out and touched her cheek, his heart skipping a beat as she closed her eyes and leaned into his palm. "It's ok." He chuckled lightly then added, "I didn't want it to be. I didn't want him to take you from me." Pulling his hand away he turned slightly in his seat and looked out at the moon shining on the surface of the water. "He's back and saving the world again. I can't complain. How can I? His first save was you in the jet with all the others. What would I have done if he wasn't there?" His voice dropped to a pain-filled whisper. "You would have died." He glanced quickly at her then moved his eyes to the cup in his hand. He couldn't meet her eyes right now. "Then again when we were all trapped in the boat," his voice cracked as he fought to reign in the fear he was suddenly reliving. "You were unconscious when the water…covered the portal in the door. I watched as we were sinking further below the surface. There was nothing I could do. I knew the three of us were going to die. I couldn't save Jason. I couldn't save you. Then he came and saved us all. How could I hate him?" Again he tried to look at her but found it too hard. "He didn't take you out of my arms. He held me as I held you. But…now that we're all safe…"

"Richard," Lois' heart began to break anew. Suddenly she was confronted with not only her doubts and confusion but the hurt she could hear from the man she loved deeply…just as deeply as she loved… She closed her eyes and threw her arms around his shoulders. When she felt his arms embrace her, she whispered into his neck, "I love you." That was true. She could feel it in her heart as she said it. But Superman…she loved him too. He left. She was happy with Richard. Now he's back and…

Richard hurt. He hurt and loved and feared, all at the same time. He was trying to tell her he understood and that it was ok…but was it? Was it really ok? Was he willing to just let her go…just like that? NO! He turned and embraced her, pulling her so hard against him he almost couldn't breathe. He heard her whispered assurance. He nuzzled her cheek until she turned toward him then he kissed her. Passionately and possessively he devoured her as he realized she was returning his attentions with the same fervor. Not until their lungs ached for air did he release her. Unable to say anymore he just looked into her eyes, desperately trying to read her thoughts through them. It seemed like an eternity that neither moved. Fear clawed at his heart as he saw the tears begin to fall. As if in slow motion, he saw a tear well and crest over her lashes. He watched as she blinked but didn't reopen her eyes. His own closed in grief until…he felt a weight on his shoulder. Suddenly his eyes were opened as he was looking into the blanket of hair that hid her face as she rested her head against him.

"Please, Richard," she whispered, "please, hold me."

She breathed deeply to stifle the sob that desperately tried to come out. "Please, just don't let me go."

His heart soared as her whispered pleas reached his ears and he heard the cracking in her voice. "Never," he swore through his constricting throat. His hand tangled in her hair and held her head firmly against him. In between kisses to her soft mane, he whispered his promises to never leave her as he felt her body shake with the finally released tears.

The next day Lois stayed home from work. She called in and told Perry she needed the time to rest and take care of her son after the ordeal with Luthor. Jason played quietly for most of the day. When Lois checked on him he was either drawing or playing pretend in his room. This last time he was pretending to be the judge who sentenced Lex Luthor to prison.

Terrible memories of the ordeal they had survived the day before came crashing back into her mind. The images were never very far but she kept trying to forget. That terrible moment when she realized why Luthor asked who the boy's father was. She froze in cold, hard fear. Calmly and decisively she told him the same thing she'd told everyone else in her life, including the boy. 'Richard.' She remembered squeezing Jason tighter when Luthor put the Kryptonite cylinder in front of him. It was so close. She thought for sure it was going to hurt her son. She tried to pull back without giving anything away. Then she realized that Jason wasn't bothered at all by the Kryptonite.

All this time she was so sure. Even as she convinced the rest of the world that Jason was a White, she buried deep in her broken heart the truth. Now, with the kryptonite inches from his face…could she have been wrong. Luther seemed convinced. She didn't have time to dwell on it. She had to find a way out but when that goon foiled her attempt to send a message and began to rough her up…the truth came out…leaving no doubt at all. She had never seen Jason display any sign of talents or gifts he may have inherited from the man she thought was,… then doubted,… now was sure beyond any shadow of doubt…was his father.

Safe in her own home, her mind raised questions she'd never thought of. As she walked out to sit by the lake she questioned herself. All this time she'd had a normal…even frail, sickly son. She could handle the frailty. She could raise a son. Richard was there to help her. Together they raised a wonderful little boy. How could she handle raising…an alien? Furrowing her brow she reprimanded herself for the label immediately. Jason's not an alien. _'He's my son. But he's also super…'_ Could she raise him to be…"Superman," she jumped as she noticed him lighting to the ground beside her.

"I didn't mean to startle you." He stood tall before her.

"You didn't," she defied as she pushed her shoulders back.

"I thought maybe we should talk."

Lois stood there looking into his face. A myriad of feelings whirled in her mind. She remembered being in his arms as he floated them over the city. Flying with him was one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. He would never let her fall. She trusted him completely. Love gave way to rage as she remembered the love and trust that he betrayed when he went away. "What could we possibly have to talk about?" She turned her back and took one step away.

"Lois, please."

"Please?" She whirled around and stepped closer. Within inches from his chest she began. "You have a lot of nerve. I loved you. You said you loved me. We slept together. I thought it meant something to you.'

"It did. I do love you." He gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Yeah, you love me." She smirked as she shrugged out of his hands. "You love me so much, you slept with me. When I woke up you were gone. The next day when I saw you at the press conference…you didn't even acknowledge that I was in the same room much less take a minute to say anything when it was done."

"But it was difficult to…"

"Difficult? Was it too difficult to look me in the eye? Was it too difficult to say 'hello'? Then you left…without a word. I don't believe the explanation Clark had. How could it be too hard?" She turned and flailed her arms as she yelled. "How could anything be too hard? You're Superman for God's sake!"

"Many things are hard for me. Things you really can't understand. Realizing my feelings for you was hard. Coming back to find out you were with another man and had a son was more than hard."

"But I told you he's…"

"I know. I realized that you were left alone to have and raise him. I'll never forgive myself for that."

Hearing the emotion in his voice and seeing the pain behind his eyes, Lois knew more than he'd said. It was enough to drain the left over rage and rejection from her.

"I wasn't alone," she whispered as she moved closer and put a gentle hand to his arm. When he turned to look at her, she tried to smile. "I'm sorry. I was mad. Seeing you again just brought back all the rejection…all the hurt…"

"Is that why you wrote the article?" He smiled when she just nodded and looked down. "I never rejected you. Convincing myself that nothing would happen to you if you and I were involved was hard…it was also a lie." It was his turn to turn away. "I realized people will always use you to get to me. I won't let anything happen to you." Turning back he looked directly and sincerely into her eyes. "If that means that I must seal my heart to keep you safe I will. Richard loves you very much. I know you love him, too. He's a good man and he can make you happy."

What was she hearing? Lois shook her head to clear the confusion but was beginning to lose all focus. "I don't matter anymore. The only one who matters now is Jason. He's your son. You can't leave him to grow up alone. I can't raise him alone."

Superman smiled. "I have no intention of leaving either of you. I will always be here for him…and for you if you need me but I won't step in and ruin the family you've built."

"I'm so confused…I don't know…I have to tell Richard. He'll know about Jason one way or another. I want him to hear it from me first."

"I'll teach Jason to be discreet. He can't let the world know he's my son until he's ready."

"Luthor knows." It was barely a whisper but she knew he'd hear.

To Superman it was screamed in his ear. That was exactly what he wanted to avoid. The one person in the world who shouldn't know… Suddenly he remembered the kryptonite and his sudden fear pushed aside by the belief he'd held that the boy was not hurt in the ordeal. "How? Did Luthor hurt him?"

"When we were on board the boat I tried to send a message for help. The goon that was guarding us began to hit me and throw me around." Lois looked up and saw the fury behind his steel eyes. "Jason pushed the piano across the room and into the man. He killed him."

Superman suddenly tensed and looked across the lawn. "Richard is home."

Lois turned to look in the same direction. "I'd better tell him today. I don't know when…" She stopped suddenly when she turned around and found that she was alone…again.

Jimmy came by the house about 5 and picked up Jason. Lois had asked him to take him for the night making the excuse that she really needed to sleep all night and not be awakened by all the potty calls and midnight drinks that would sometimes break her sleep. Before he left, she made sure to have a talk with him about not saying anything about what happened on the boat. She'd promised to have a longer talk with him when he got home the next day.

Richard feared the conversation that lay before him. Lois had never sent their son away like this. After last night he thought he knew where he stood. When she told him they needed to talk…he began to wonder. Trying to keep himself occupied while she changed and came down, he opened a bottle of wine and got two glasses. Soft footsteps on the stairs told him she was behind him. When he turned, his heart stopped. No, she wasn't dressed in anything sexy. No, she wasn't being suggestive or seductive. She was just Lois; her long curls falling over her shoulders, a pair of comfortable house pants with a matching shirt, 'VS' decorating both. Victoria's Secret, he knew because he'd bought the set for her just 2 months ago. The fact that she'd gotten comfortable and worn his gift was enough to calm the dread his racing imagination tried to instill. "Wine?" he offered, carrying the bottle and glasses as he crossed the room.

"Yes, thank you." Lois looked into his eyes. God, she loved him. He was everything she was not and everything she loved. What would happen in the next few hours? She almost began to listen to that small treacherous voice in the back of her head telling her to just shut up and don't say anything. But she knew better. She had to be honest and tell Richard everything…now. There was no more denying…no more hiding…no more pretending…and most of all, no more fantasy. "Can we sit in the den?" she turned to lead him.

Once there, she tucked one leg under her and turned to face him as she sat on the sofa and he sat beside her. She waited as he poured the wine and handed her a glass. Sipping and taking a deep breath she put her glass down and tried to settle the pounding of her heart. "Richard, I have to tell you something. There's something that I haven't been truthful with you about."

Seeing her hesitate he spoke out of his own fear and trepidation, reaching out and covering her hand with his. "Lois, whatever it is, its ok. I'll understand."

His eyes told her he was scared and she loved him all the more for trying to be strong for her. "Remember, first that I love you. I love you, so much." She looked at their hands in her lap and tried to begin. "Do you remember after we first met and started dating? I told you that I had just been dumped by someone." She ventured a quick look to his face then reached for her glass with her free hand. Sipping quickly, for courage, she put the glass down and continued. "It was Superman."

"But I thought…"

"that there wasn't really anything between us? There wasn't for a long time. He was kind and seemed to be satisfied being my friend and guardian angel. It was me who had the fantasy running 24/7." She took a deep breath and made sure she didn't look up. "I was in love with him and hoped beyond hope that he would fall in love with me. Finally, it happened. He'd rescued me from a burning building after a bomb went off. I was unconscious and he gave me to the EMTs on the scene. Evidently, I'd stopped breathing and they had to resuscitate me. He watched. The next day, he came to my apartment to check on me. He told me how scared he was that I'd almost died. He wanted the chance to tell me that he loved me…that he'd been afraid to tell me but what happened made him realize that he had to or one day I would be gone and he'd never get the chance. He said that he'd loved me from the first time he'd seen me and that he'd never felt that way about any other woman. That night we…" She couldn't bring herself to actually say it. She went on when Richard only squeezed her hand. "Shortly after that…he left. I didn't see him again until he stopped the jet from crashing the other day." Lois shifted in her seat and took another sip of wine for strength. She'd come this far and told him that much. She would tell him the rest…she had to. "I hadn't had many relationships before that. I felt hurt…then rejected…then furious. That's why I turned you down the first few times you asked me out. I didn't want anything to do with men again. When I had to have a date for the Black Tie, Perry insisted I attend, I had gotten to know you a little in the office and told myself it was just part of the job. That night, I had no intention of having that much to drink and baring my soul to a stranger. The next day I thought our working relationship would be in the can. But you sent me flowers and seemed to really want to care."

"I did." The smile that suddenly lit her face made his heart jump. He didn't think he would see it, tonight.

"I know. I was drawn to you. For weeks I fought with myself when I was alone. I couldn't believe I was doing it again. Opening myself up all over again and so soon for the hurt I knew would come. I would see it in your eyes as you were walking toward me. I just knew you were going to ask me out again and kept telling myself to say 'no'. After each invitation, it was like my mind disconnected and all I could say was 'yes'. All the fury and self pity over Superman was still there. I started to tell myself that I'd just let myself fall for the fantasy. He was only a fantasy. You were real. I found that after I'd buried him in my mind, I really had feelings growing for you. Seeing each other every day only accelerated the process. That's why we'd gotten serious so quickly. I know to you it seemed like perfect timing. But to me…I hadn't slept with anyone…then my fantasy came alive and turned into a nightmare and all of a sudden," she fidgeted again. "just two weeks later, I was in your bed and on top of that, once we started, I didn't want to stop and slept with you every time you'd have me because of how loved and desirable you made me feel." Lois pulled her hand from his and turned to sit straight on the couch. "You think, I'm such a…well…easy, now, I know."

"Lois," Richard whispered but she wouldn't respond. He reached for her hand again and didn't let her pull it away when she tried. "I think no such thing. I know better. I know you."

She didn't deserve him. How could he understand? How could he sit there and be so noble? "There's more. I swear, I really didn't know at the time." She looked into his eyes and held his gaze. This was it. She had to lay it all out bare for him to see. "I didn't find out until just before I told you so it was easy to convince myself that…the baby was yours." Her voice trailed off to but a breath of a whisper.

Richard all but stopped breathing. His mind, on the defensive, questioned if he'd actually heard what she'd just said but he knew he had. Slowly he pulled his hand back. Superman coming back to steal away Lois' heart was hard enough for him deal with. Now…his son? No! Jason was his! Wasn't he? Suddenly, nothing was clear. He stood up and walked to the sliding doors, looking out over the lake. He heard her call his name, heard the strangled sob with which it was breathed, but just put his hand up to stop anything else she might say at that moment. He had to think. He couldn't take in anymore…just yet. He thought back on all she'd just said and all the memories she'd just stirred in him. "How do you know?"

Lois was watching his back. He'd spun so quickly and shot his question into the air between them so suddenly that she gasped as it registered in her brain. "Richard,"

"How do you know? You said you started sleeping with me right after he left." That came out more accusingly than he'd intended and it made him cringe to hear it but it was out and he couldn't stop right now. He had to know about his son. "It's possible that he's really mine…isn't it?" He looked at her and took a step closer but didn't dare to go all the way back to her side. He needed the distance. Right now he couldn't control his own voice as he shouted, "Isn't it?!"

With tears in her eyes she told him about the incident with the piano on Luthor's boat. She watched as distance pushed its way deeper between them until she heard him say he'd be back and he was out the door and headed toward the lake before she could call his name.

After about 10 minutes of wandering aimlessly at the water's edge, Richard sensed he was no longer alone. Turning quickly he found himself watching as the man drifted slowly to the ground. His eyes narrowed as he glared at him. Before, he tried to hate this man and found he couldn't. He found that he actually thought highly of him, even though he knew he posed a threat to his heart. Now, that threat was intensified and now, it was much easier to nourish the beast which growled inside him. They remained silent for long moments …assessing one another. Finally, Richard spoke. "I can't fight you for them. God, if I could I'd be pounding you to a pulp right now. I'd die before I'd want to give up my family, but if you take them what can I do? How can I stop Superman?"

"Richard, I don't want to take your family." Superman paused as he saw the shock on the man's face. "I love Lois very much. I have since I met her. What we did was not…casual. But I know that we can never really be. It's far too dangerous for her and now for…her son." He was already the cause of far too much pain for this man. He didn't want to increase it by throwing the fact that the boy was really his in Richard's face.

"Just knowing you is dangerous for her. And as far as Jason's concerned…what happens when he starts to exhibit your powers? What then? What thug will try to manipulate him before he has a chance to learn to defend himself? How will Lois raise such a powerful kid…alone?"

"I'm hoping she won't be alone." Superman looked at him pointedly. "I know you love her very much…and she loves you just as strongly. You also seem to care deeply for Jason. I only want what's best for them both. I won't stand in your way."

"You mean…"

"I will not interfere with your relationship with Lois."

"What about Jason? He's begun to show signs of powers. He's going to have to be told he's not…my son." Richard whispered as he trailed off.

"Yes. He must be told the truth and in time he will understand. I will be here to train him and support him as he grows and changes. I will also protect all of you with my last breath should anyone try and harm you. I want to be part of his life. We both need that."

"What will Lois say?" Richard looked back toward the house. "She's hurt already."

"I know…and I'm truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt her. The last thing in the universe I ever wanted was to cause her to cry….It's the one thing the universe has seen fit to demand," his voice but a whisper as he bore his feelings out for this man to witness.

"You're serious about this." Richard's statement was coated with shock.

"I am. I swear to you. You have nothing to fear from me…ever."

Pride kept Richard staring into the man's eyes. Wonder kept him from turning away. "It sounds crazy…but…I believe you." Silence reigned heavy in the air between them as the reality of calm acceptance settled. Richard turned and stared at the water for long moments before he turned back. "This will be one strange family…if Lois agrees, that is."

"I will allow you to pose it to her as you feel best. If you need me to talk to her…If you think she needs to hear it from both of us…just call." Superman stated as he began to lift off.

Richard reached out and grasped his arm, "Wait." He watched as Superman once more stood before him. He stared into the man's eyes searching for…what? Deception…guilt…doubt…gile…none were there. He only found…truth. Slowly he put out his hand and waited.

As Superman looked at Richard's hand then back to his eyes he saw him smile ever so slightly. Sealing his heart cost him everything. He could see that this small gesture was costing Richard everything, yet he made it, just as willingly for the benefit of one woman and her son. He grasped the offered hand.

"Thank you," Richard declared.

"Love them both and it is I who will thank you." Superman saw Richard silently nod before he turned skyward and left the man alone by the lake once more.

The End


End file.
